you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
