I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I did not marry a roomba.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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