My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
