so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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