You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
