walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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