Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Randomize
