I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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