I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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