Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Im part way to drunk.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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