i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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