I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
