You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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