Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
