I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
