all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
