just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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