I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
