she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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