You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
