i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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