How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
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I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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