I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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