Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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