My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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