is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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