i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize