Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Four minutes until I can fart!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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