Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
then he tried to convert me to islam
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have grass duct taped all over my body
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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