He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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