so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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