whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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