Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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