You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
