Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
