In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
