Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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