Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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