I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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