I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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