being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
