im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
