We won't sleep together?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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