$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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