hotel room ftw
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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