Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
