when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
