I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
