Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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