so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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