I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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