Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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