somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
