If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
