i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
