that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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