so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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