Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
